The Woolly Mom

There is a bowl of grapes in my fridge. Fresh, tasty grapes that have become my daytime indulgence when the snack demons start gnawing at my brain to cram pieces of fudge in my mouth. I keep them on the low shelf of my fridge, because that’s where they fit.

And that’s how our story of obsession and crying begins. Not mine, Lily’s.

Two days ago, she was toddling along the kitchen cupboards testing each one to make sure they still opened nicely. Glass bowls within reach? Check. Mommy’s good cooking pans in disarray? Check. And then she came to the fridge. The giant, bright cold box she still hasn’t figured out yet. Except that mommy really likes to stare into it each day. And when Mommy went into the fridge on that wonderful day, she plucked from it a handful of green grapes. Seeing her baby’s forlorned and curious look, the Mommy bit down the grape until all that was left was a teeny niblet just big enough for a baby’s fingers to grasp. And with that, a niblet of grape went into Lily’s mouth. And the refrigerator was reborn as The Grape Dispensing Machine.

Now everytime The Grape Dispensing Machine opens, and doesn’t produce a grape niblet, Lily feels justified in punishing The Grape Dispensing Machine. Bad! I will slap you and scream until the grapes come out of you! And if The Grape Dispensing Machine opens and is too slow in releasing the niblets (ie Mommy is trying to find what veg has rotted in the back of the fridge), Lily will reach in and pluck a bunch straight from the bowl, shake them politely, and then cram them all in her mouth.

And so today, we will not eat out of the fridge. We are scared to open The Grape Dispensing Machine. It causes screams and shouts, and even the occasional bite. Instead, we will be eating out of the Cheerio Dispensing Cupboard that is very fickle and doesn’t pay out very well, so Lily has learned, no matter how much you hit it.

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Well, my baby’s definitely a strange one. I had to post about this latest game of hers during today’s afternoon nap, since this is a lunchtime problem. She’s decided to bite the spoon whenever I feed her lunch - just lunch. Never breakfast or dinner. And when I say she bites it, I mean she clamps down on the rubber-coated spoon and holds on for dear life. She could make Cujo proud. 

This started last week. So at first I decided that maybe she was displeased and bored with her food selection (take back this vomitous dog food, and bring me the good stuff, or I keep your spoon! Chop, chop!), so I mixed it up a bit. And I tried getting creative with singing to her and distracting her in other ways. But we never make it through our entire bowl of veg without her locking down. She eventually lets me have the spoon back after 2-3 minutes. But by then, I’m pulling my hair out by the roots.

Has your kiddo ever tried anything like this? I have a hunch this is all a teething fad (she has her two upper and lower teeth in, with more on the way). Let’s hope that all it is, or I’m going to have to find slipperier spoons to feed her with!

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2.5

My husband and I took Lily out for our regular Saturday morning brunch at a local diner - a noisy casual place where the food is delivered to your table quickly, and you can pay the bill in a flash if you need to get out of Dodge pronto! This is about the only restaurant I’ll take the family to, in my efforts not to be a huge hypocrite. It wasn’t so long ago, back in my Pre-Child days that I would sneer at parents with babies and toddlers in pubs and fancy restaurants during prime dining time. So now, I pay the karmic price. I only eat out at off-hours and in lower-end restaurants where people can’t possibly expect any kind of atmospheric peace. Otherwise, it’s take-out city.

When we do venture out, I still like to keep Lily subdued, happy, and clean as much as possible - for my sanity, as well as for the sake of the other diners. So here are some basic tips I’ve picked up from countless Saturdays of experience. Hoping these bring you a little peace, too:

Keepin’ It Clean -Bring the diaper bag with you, even if you don’t anticipate any potty needs. There should be a few hygienic tools in there that’ll make your trip a lot less germy and messy:

• High Chair Cover- We use our cloth shopping cart seat cover in the wooden restaurant high chairs. Saves her from getting gobs of partially digested lunch other babies left behind on her shorts. Plus, when she goes to gnaw on the bar in front of her, she’ll be chewing only on her own germs and a soft, protective fabric.
• Rubber Place Mat- We have a yellow hippopotamus place mat (click here to view product*) that rolls out on the table in front of her and suctions right to the table. Handy because it takes her some time to peel it up. And it even has a little catchy cup at the bottom for all the crumbs she wants to dump in her lap. Now slapping and tonguing the table is a much more hygienic practice.
• Hand Wipes!- What mom could live through a restaurant experience without healthy hand wipes? Just don’t forget them (like we always do).

Makin’ It Fun - A clean baby isn’t necessarily a happy baby, in fact it’s pretty much the opposite. So for my messy munchkin, I always bring a chain of plastic rings (click here to view product*). One end gets attached to the high chair, and one end gets attached to her favorite easy-to-wash toy. Voila! A baby chain gang costume. And toys that won’t touch the sticky floor, or accidentally left on the table on the table.

Gettin’ Good Eats - Sometimes during my impromptu stops for lunch - because what kind of lunch is better than an impromptu lunch? - I haven’t psychically thought to bring any Gerber jars with me. So for a quick lunch on the go for babies ready for early spoon-feeding, here are some great options we’ve come up with (which we supplement with a formula bottle):

• Applesauce
• Oatmeal
• Yogurt (for 9 mos.+)
• Pudding (if sweets aren’t an issue)
• Cheerios

And never forget that a remorseful “I’m sorry” goes a long way in subduing the other diners who are giving you the stink eye!

*I do not endorse these particular product websites over any other, and have no personal knowledge of their quality assurances. Please shop cautiously.

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2.5